Focus: How can we strengthen our thesis statements and topic sentences?
1. Warming up with some peer inspiration and applying it to your own thesis statements
Shakespeare’s Macbeth uses the motif of heart to show that violence is never the answer to solve dilemmas, and only hinders the person’s mental track.
Ms. Leclaire revised it by eliminating extra words:
Shakespeare's Macbeth uses the word "heart" to show that violence never solves dilemmas but instead hinders the human mind.
Your turn: Are there any unnecessary words or phrases you can delete or tighten up?
In Macbeth Shakespeare uses the motif heart to show emotion and a person's true self.
Ms. Leclaire revised it by adding specificity.
In Macbeth Shakespeare uses the motif "heart" to show overpowering emotion and people's underlying greed or goodness.
Your turn: Are there vague/unclear words and phrases where you need to specify?
In Macbeth, Shakespeare uses the motif of eyes to show that what has been seen can never unseen and that there is a choice in what what you see and what you don’t.
Ms. Leclaire revised it by getting rid of the words "you" and "your":
In Macbeth, Shakespeare uses the motif of eyes to show that what has been seen can never be unseen and there there is a choice in people see and what they don't.
Your turn: Do you use the words "you," "your," "I," "me," or "mine"?
In Macbeth, Shakespeare uses the motif of night to show that people are controlled by evil, or people create evil.
Ms. Leclaire revised it by establishing the connection between the two ideas and thus adding to the depth of the argument:
In Macbeth, Shakespeare uses the motif of night to show that when people are controlled by evil, they consequently create evil.
Your turn: Can you strengthen your argument by connecting your two big ideas? Think about cause and effect.
2. Editing each other's thesis statements and topic sentences using the official rubric
3. Developing your first body paragraph (when in doubt, follow the example)
1. Complete your first body paragraph before class tomorrow (don't worry about the intro paragraph yet).
2. Revise your thesis and topic sentences based on today's editing.
3. Bring your banned book to class tomorrow for reading time; you have about two weeks left to finish your book.